All Not Arranged! Marriages in Turmoil!
For Wednesday October 3rd 2012
My Other Websites –
www.majidall.com & www.majidwrite.com (New)
Between Us Only!
All Not Arranged!
Or Different Perspectives & Outlooks! – Different Priorities!
Being all alone at home now – that is most of the times – one can be really surprised of how many ideas you can get for your columns – by simply watching the Television set – because it is supposed to depict the realities and facts on the ground – whilst you watch the unfolding scenes from the comfort of your cosy reclining chair – without a care or mind for the rest of the world – but you and the television set only! It is really amazing how many things one can still learn from this television set on human dramas, vanities, foibles, and malaise – and all over the places now!
I have now compiled all my works into two new different books – which are now under publication – including the Road Safety Novel book – Behind The Wheel! – www.bethesafedriver.com This is one’s man keen interest, drive and objective to get involved in – and write about in Road Safety as his contribution to the society. My other two books carry all the articles – post earlier Between Us Only! series. More details are here at my new website www.majidwrite.com – which will also carry all my columns here too – from now on!
There is this beautiful programme about Cyprus – Island of Forbidden Love. The programme looks at what happens when romance cuts across religious lines amongst mainly Lebanese couples. According to legend – the island of Cyprus is known as the ‘birthplace of Aphrodite – the Greek goddess of love’. When love crosses the religious divide – Cyprus becomes a favoured destination for many Lebanese couples – seeking civil unions and marriages! One of those men being portrayed laments – Sunni, Christian, Druze, and Shia – we are in it all together – and there is simply no sect in love!
I have now also a lot of time for reading – and that includes rereading my own five books – all over again! Not to blow my own trumpet – sometimes I wonder if it was all done by me! But I guess when you are angry and sad too at the same time – and you speak truthfully from your own heart to others – there should be no surprises – what comes out here!
I also read in detail the newspapers and the magazines that I subscribe too! One of the jobs that had crossed my mind was to be a Counsellor – Advisor – Psychologist – or as they are sometimes referred to in pun as ‘Shrinks’! In one of the distress columns, I have noticed that we tend to ignore the problems being faced by the Expatriate communities in our midst – in their strive and struggle to adjust to our ways and lives – and to make meaningful and worthwhile their continued stay here.
I, for one, need to be frank to admit that I have not really paid full attention to their distress and plights in my concentration focus for jobs and employment for the youth – their training, recruitment, placement and development. Like most of us, we seem to wrongly think that they are here to take our jobs – our own youth – and to deny us entries to what should come – rightly and naturedly – to us – and in our desires and wishes for our own destiny, legacy and future – as future generations will judge us – and history too – on what we do now – or not do – and or advertently and or in inaction!
Every day we hear on some expatriates that have committed suicides – because they cannot take it anymore. I have said this too in the past. In one of my weakest moments in life when things did not seem to work – and everything was going against me – family included – I thank my God and my Religion – because it stopped me from doing really nasty and unexpected things in life. I now realise that I did put wrong emphasis and priorities on the wrong things in my life – rather than as my late good Mother used to tell us – peace be upon her – First is Always You! Then You! Then You Again. Then Others….let them make their own queue to you!
I am giving the same free advice to the especially expatriate wives that write in to the Marriage Counsellors and Advisors – about the problems that they face with their spouses. Few even to me! In many of the cases, the marriages are arranged – and the husband – has not given enough impetus and importance to get to know well his wife – his children even – and what she likes – what she does not like – and what makes her tick – or not! They live in the same house – though married to each other – but as complete strangers!
Mistakenly like most of us men – and with some exceptions – even some women like football – whilst the men watch dramas! We just think that bringing in the money is all important and only counts – if here – or worse scenario – send to homes across borders. In one of the Hindi films – I forgot the name – the wife was lamenting – You think bringing in the checks is all that counts – what about me? Do you think of me? Maybe the children – but certainly not me!
Frankly, there are many expatriate ladies out there that are really qualified experienced professionals – as I found when I still had my Consultancy years ago. In some cases – if they were working they could earn even three or four times the take home pay of their spouses! Sad this avenue and resource is not tapped into! Yet the husbands think still pleasing the boss – in many cases expatriates too – by staying in back ‘for artificial deceptive pretense invented works’ is far better than after looking at his wife – and even the children.
No wonder the poor ladies write in – even if anonymously – because they just had enough – or about too! When they start thinking of committing suicides – because of the phobia and dread of returning home to their families away from the husbands – then something has got to give. Like I always say – what is the point of having more money, promotions and statuses – when things fall apart – and break up in front of you? Money is not everything – family, humanity and values are!
May The Good Lord Direct us all to The Right Path Always – Amin Amen
By Majid Al Suleimany