‘Insulting’ Relatives!

For Sunday – July 21st 2013.

Between Us Only!

Insulting ‘Relatives’!

We are already moving towards the centre half of the fasting holy month of Ramadhan – and as if we had just started fasting from yesterday – that is the blessings of the holy month for us all to see, recognise and admire! I watch the sermons after the Tarawih prayers in Mecca in Saudi Arabia – and the Priest calling for special duas and prayers for lots of suffering followers in different parts of the world – and sadly that some of them cannot even fast because of the wars of attrition and destructions – and the ensuing poltical and social upheavals in others. As the angels fly at night – they too may even cry – let alone human beings alone!

Today I want to concentrate on family problems and issues that may have already affected some of us – or possibly may affect others – if not already! As a small boy I used to be a loner and keep to myself – and those who have read my books or columns may recognise and remember that there were many unhappy and sad events and happenings in my life – not only serious and threatening – but nearly brought me to my early death and grave. You can find a good source from my article – The Glass Is Bent! – in my earlier website of www.betweenusonly.com or from my books!

Family 1 Family 2

Images – Family – For Demonstration Purposes Only!

In many of my columns articles,  I have said the very same thing – in that after The Offices environments – there is no other place where people are most crude, abrupt and misbehave than in family relationships – ties, associationship and interfaces! I have noticed too when I wanted to make a list of people who have annoyed and upset me immensely for special treatment of learning hard and in difficulties to forgive in life – even if the forgetting part may take longer – or not at all. It can be very hard and difficult – but one must bring oneself to do so – because an ‘eye for an eye’ will end up in all being blind in the end! So what is the added value and advantage in this?

There is a famous Chinese expression that says – If you are out to build a grave for your enemy – then dig two graves – and keep one for yourself! Because in the ensuing fights you too may end as a casualty and fatality – and need the second grave too! Though I must admit it is not easy to do so, one must go for the high road – and there is no better example to copy and emulate than our own Great Prophet – Pbuh! When he rode victorious into Mecca – some of the people that had caused him great harm and injury came even from his own relatives and folks – but he did not retaliate – or take revenge from anyone – and that had ended in the growth and rise of converts to become Muslims – with some that went to other parts of the world to spread the word of Islam – from the very same people that waged war against it in the past!

As a young child – I was a boy that avoided fights with others – boys being boys! A few months before his death – my late father was observing and commenting to me on Eid day in my house – I see all others getting continuous phone calls and messages – but you hardly receive any – poor M – like a child and still the same as an elder – no friends still! He meant it in a very good way – but though  the others took it wrongly that they were being complimented! That is the twists and ironies of life – and also its beauty and striking features in conversity too!

Family 3 Family 4

Images – Family – For Demonstration Purposes Only!

In our large family members there was bound to be some individual members that were aggressive and bullies to others – as their chosen patterns and behavior traits and characteristics. It is not a question of being a coward or being a weak person – but I always believed that in running away from such people – you avoid fights from their intrusive and penetrative behaviours to others – and you live to fight other battles in the future! I am trying my best to be witty here – and I do know that I am failing badly!

In the few and isolated cases that when I had decided to make a stand – and be ready for a fight – when all cautions and warnings prior have been ignored and passed the red lines – I was reprimanded that I was the eldest – and should show by example and deeds as the elder and leader – and not to get involved in the ensuing fights that were bound to happen!

This later part used to confuse and hurt me a lot – and as a kid I used to think that my parents did not like me – but they liked and preferred more The Aggressors than me! It took me a very long time to understand this – and The Puppy incident of following me to the mosque far years later made me understand and appreciate – as my late father was saying towards me – that if you play with puppies – they will follow you to the mosque – because for the puppy it is just a building for them!

?????????????? Family A

Images – Family – For Demonstration Purposes Only!

Some years back, we had a relative from that distant land  – and who had stayed with us for quite awhile! We tried all our best to welcome them – and giving them the  best that we could offer – and even going without and beyond too! Like in most families there will always be these tell-tale family members – people that tike pride and pleasures in causing rifts and divisions in people! The same peoples are very happy to see divisions and disasters between people – even if they are related and family. Some of them maybe from the same lots too! And that is the most sad and tragic part out of it all!

When I heard the tell-tale rumours – and being such a professional HR person whose first duty and prerogative is always to distinguish the wheat from the chaff – to come to the real truth and basis of things in life – I was shocked beyond belief to get so much hurtful, intrusive and aggressive responses from some of them – and what they had thought of our reception and welcome to them! The ironical and tragic sad part was that when we went to visit them before all these things – they had invited us for lunch – but in their own hours time – which was far away from our own time – and we were literally hungry as we ate the food – but had not complained to anyone – though they knew well in advance that our lunch times were not later than 2 pm

In life you try your level best! Whether it is reciprocated and appreciated or not is not important – and even if you get insulted in the process – but you did try – and gave it your best shot! There is a famous East African saying – Do your good deed and proceed along – do not wait or expect any thanks or appreciation from anyone! They are absolutely right – and fully agree!

Take Care! Ramadhan Kareem!

By Majid Al Suleimany

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