A Letter To My Heart! – By Majid Al Suleimany
September 18, 2013
A Letter To My Heart! – By Majid Al Suleimany
Dear heart, there is something I must tell you
Something sad and so hard for me to say
For I know how much you always loved her
And how you always hoped that she’d come back someday
But day after day my hopes grow dimmer
As I watched life and love passing me by
And the life I live is empty and so lonely
But you just lived for her and slowly let me die
…. Lyrics – Letter To My Heart – Jim Reeves.
Day before yesterday evening (Monday September 16, 2013) I had cut my left palm – just a little bit – with a sharp knife whilst cutting some oranges! The scare and shock was more for me to see so much blood coming out from my hand! But that was not alone and enough – I just attended to myself using the First Aid experiences I knew – till the blood had stopped spurted out! Only then I told the members of my family! Funnily, I did not want to disturb anyone – and let the family members at the house continue doing whatever they were doing uninterrupted – whilst I dealt with my case on my own.
After the blood had considerably stopped – I then told them – showing them the bloodied tissues! My daughter in law T then applied plaster and bandage – and the blood then stopped completely!
It is not a question of making mountains out of molehills – but I was wondering to myself why I did all these things on my own – rather than involving my family? Frankly – I did not want to disturb them – and I remember a late very good friend of mine who had cautioned me – M? You may be surrounded by a lot of family and others – but yet be the loneliest person on the face of the earth – and suffer alone and in silence. This poor man had died later on since early morning by a heart attack – but his wife and family were away – and it was only late evening when the houseboy came home to find that ‘boss had died’! The medical certification had confirmed that the man had actually died that early morning!
In my Columns and Books I wrote about my late father who had Parkinson – and also hearing problems because of his age being over 88. My late father did not like wearing hearing aids – because he said it made him ‘feel uncomfortable’! So it was difficult to communicate with him indeed! You had to shout and scream – and soon one by one ‘gave up’ on him!
The poor man – he used to see all people around him – children and grandchildren – having a field day – talking to each other in fun and merriment – whilst he sat on the chair – all alone – sad, desolate and unhappy! Few times I noticed sad tears coming from his eyes – especially when I sat near him – trying to talk to him – or at least not make him feel alone and miserable!
After all the sacrifices and things he did for his family! If you have read my books – especially The Between Us Only Series – www.myownmajid.com – you will so many stories about my late dad – Peace Be Upon Him! Also on my Late Mother – Peace Be Upon Her – Amin Amen for both!
I have always heard the expression – what goes around – comes around! Maybe it is my turn now to experience what my late dad had experienced? Because I too made many sacrifices for my family! Same stories here at www.myownmajid.com
Personally I had volunteered to go for early retirement in 1998 – and full one in 2008. But my wife – who is 2 years younger than me – is still working – and still wants to work! All her life – hobbies, mechanisms and existence per se – is built on ‘continuing to work in that Big Oil Company – BOC – and her world is surrounded by this more than anything else – that includes me too in the equation.
Like I had said before – it is not my intention to make mountains out of molehills – but I am a sick ailing man now – and even typing this makes me cry – remembering my late Father too! It also reminds me of my friend’s advice – surrounded by so many people – but yet all alone too! I suffer from acute diabetes – I have eyes problems in glaucoma, myopia and eyes pressures! And yes another thing – I put the eyes medicines myself – by looking at the mirror whilst doing this! My last housemaid Mary – Filipino – used to do this to me before – but she left 15 years ago! The rest feel squeamish to ‘perform such an act’!
I have noticed lately that I have developed a very bad temper and tantrums – because I am carrying ‘too much baggage’ still with me! Excess Baggage! I still remember with bitterness and anger how my career life was ‘screwed up’ by me speaking my mind – and calling a spade as a spade! And how people worked together and conspired to bring my Management Consultancy down – by false promises, betrayals, double dealings and stab-in-the-backs! My websites, books and columns are full of these stories too!
The East Africans say also – The thing that bites you comes from your own dress! When the European Expatriates ran the show – things were not so bad – and until our very own came in – and they had long and elephant memories! Please read this article for more on what I am saying all about here! http://majidsn.com/as-to-why-i-had-left-my-last-oil-company-loc/ Also in my book – The Sequel – Three – Between Us Only! www.myown-ebooks.com
And actual in not wanting things to go bad as my focus and aims in my life! That is my BIG PROBLEM – being honest, sincere, genuine – and forthcoming in life! My 2nd Arab Management book – A Cry For Help! – I wished those VIPs I sent them Complimentary Copies had read it! My book website at www.myown-majid.com It was written BEFORE the Arab Spring Uprisings – and with all the cautionary calls, advices and counsels inside – as a Human Resources Management Consultant Expert and Advisor!
Yes on another thing! I am a Writer and Columnist too! I meet many who like what I write! But there are some elements – some powerful too – that wish for the dirt to be pushed under the carpet – or as some of them say – ‘not to wash our dirty linen’ in public! They too have a field day to make misery and havoc to me – even if the payments are peanuts – or there is simply no money in books! As Jules Renard had said – Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money!
All my life I have been a quiet peaceful type of guy! I have always avoided confrontations – even if thrown at me! That is my second big problem – I try so much to avoid confrontation and fights – some people take this for me being weak and impotent! That is not the real case – even if I will be speaking my mind – and in making a stand!
When I feel that the situation has crossed Red Lines – despite my earlier cautions, warnings and ‘stay-away’ – I come charging in – like a bull in a glassware shop! My ‘negative reactions’ – gives chances and opportunities for those vicious and unscrupulous people – to use this more against me! That only enrages and makes me more mad – adding fuel to the fire! And some people are always on a ‘win win’ situation – so they take more advantage, credit and benefit from this – whether by design, default or inadvertently.
I am now a 65 years old person – sick and ailing too! Bad mixtures, chemistry and abrasiveness just makes me more worse! It brings out the worst in me – in the very things I desperately try to avoid and keep away. Some people are good Actors and Pretenders – and it is an uphill fight for me to remain at par! I have always strived and aimed to be a nice, good and decent person – with care and feelings for everyone! I believe in Live and Let Live too – and one should not be too quick to judge – or condemn! And knowing the famous adage – The one wearing the shoe knows where it pinches!
There are many other things I want to say too – but cannot because I do not want to hurt others – or shift blame and attention to them! Besides – this is a public forum!
If you know now why I am an angry person – I guess by now you will know why!
With Sincere and Due Apologies.
Majid Al Suleimany
Muscat – Sultanate of Oman
September 18, 2013